What a fascinating necklace you have Ms 'Getyourtopov'!

There's a cricket ball on display in our living room which I hit for six back over the pavilion a couple of years back at my mate Iain's, 'stag do - reunion' cricket match.  Its sat next to the ‘shot of the match' trophy I won too.   I sometimes use it when I'm playing the Russian at chess as a tension reliever... No... Not like that.  I maul it in my sweaty grasp as I work over and over the strategy in my mind and the next few moves so I don't forget them.  I might suddenly arise off my seat, pace about and swear.  I'll spot a trap and get excited... Then hope turns to despair as it could be a trap for me!  What haven't I spotted?  Where should I go next?  Can she see what I’m trying to do?

She, on the other had, sits there.    Calmness clouded about her.  Maybe her head is resting on a closed knuckle.  Oooh, hang about, she's going to move.  No... Just change her seating position.  It’s intolerable.    Look, touch her, she's actually cool!  And dry!   

What I'm doing playing chess with a Russian, beautiful intelligent, sexy girl is anyone's guess.    She most probably spent her youth at chess school, right?  Between intensive bouts of ballet lessons, applying to spy academy (which naturally doesn't exist!), queuing for bread and/or extra curricular cosmonaut training! 

So how did my life lead me down paths where I would be faced with such a devious opponent?  I mean;

A;  It's not like I'm jimmy bond and if the chess fails, there's always the Dom Perignon '63 and the old charm to fall back on...

And B;  Why would an erratic, very non 'bond cool' divvy Englishman freely pit his wits against said Russian spy type who had the coordinates to the baddies lair engraved on that diamond pendant that's plunged between those soviet neuclear boobies...  Oh yes... Roger Moore's raising an eyebrow right now; "fascinating!" he might claim. 

(Incidentally the baddies lair location, for me, would be an island somewhere sunny and nice.  Obviously it would have to be too ridiculous and far too grand to be built unnoticed in the middle of the Caribbean or alike.  You'd need at least 2 tower cranes and a lot of plant hire!  It'd be like building the shard in London on the Falkland Islands and hoping no one takes any notice!)

But I digress, dear reader...

Chalk and cheese then...  Chess wise... Certainly!  Most definitely musically...  And very much nocturnally! 

Come the evening:-

She... Head + pillow + 123 = ZZZ ZZZ!   

Me... Head + pillow + 123 + 456 + er,78, adjust pillow + 9 10 11 + roll over a bit + itchy bum + dead leg + oh stuff it, grab "iTrumpet", google the latest Footie/motorsport results/news on it = this new blog, tonight, actually!

Morning time:-

She; alarm + up + shower + breakfast = ready.    (with washed hair too!)

Me;  Alarm (just set about 2.5 hours ago!) + snooze + snooze + snooze + snooze + snooze + snooze + snooze + snooze + snooze + snooze + pass the original time I said I'd be ready + snooze + snooze + snooze + oh I really shouldn't snooze THAT + snooze = holy moly... It's 11:36 and I should have been at hospital at 9:45!  Nah not really!  But other things... Maybe!

It's not on!  I WANT to sleep at 11:00 or whenever we hit the hay!  I doooo!  I really do!  I enjoy my sleep.  I have slept well throughout all my illness.    Better than before in fact.  My sleepwalking has actually stopped.  I'm not scared of the dark... My catchphrase to my dad as a small boy, in my cot was "do the dark, daddy, do the dark!"  Ahhh, how cute!!! (leave it out, I was only 15 years old!) 

I lie down, relaxed and groovy then my mind just gears up... "Zzzzzzzzzzhhhh!"  With all the urgency of a line being pulled violently through a spigot and away it goes.    I just lie there and let my mind spool away.    I come up with anything, lying there.  I've created Blogs.  Come up for great ideas for new books.  I've written songs.  Invented dozens of labor saving devices. (I specialise in kitchen ones, mostly!)  Dreamt up ways to roll in the cash.  Scams.  Deals.  Cured all kinds of diseases... Including my own!  Bugger.    I really should write some of this stuff down!  It might be a good idea!

Well sometimes I do.  But as soon as my eyes are hit with the icy glow from my "iThingy" device and my hands start to cramp around the screen, that's it... Committed until dawn.  Or at least the best part of the darkest bit of night.  My mother tells me "an hours sleep before midnight is worth double after!"  Well I get tired at 7 sometimes and have been known to nap either in bed or on the sofa for some or most of the evening.  But hunger will eventually win and the fact it's an evening nap just doesn't escape my subconscious mind and at 10:24... 'ding' the lights come on and burn ever so brightly!

Eg... It's now 04:45 and I’m still going strong. 

So... Now the bird song has started, which my dad tells me spreads across the country from east to west, preceding the dawn at the speed of sound!  Which must mean at a certain time Mr & Mrs birdy are up, showered and had breakfast at a pre agreed time, with all the other birds, which at an exact moment of the day that ebbs and flows with the year, they're ready and waiting, tapping his/her wrist watch, listening out for the birdies from their left (if they're looking south!) to chirp up and then all join in! 

A unison effort of territorial bird speak!  "piss off, out of my tree!"  "This is MY branch, I was here first!"  "Ohi, you young sparrows... Get your hair cut!"  (the last one's Eddie Izzard!)

Eh?    Nah mate, you're having a laugh!  I'm off to bed!!!